Jackboots on Whitehall is a 2010 film with supermarionation puppets and the voices of a great many fine British actors including Ewan McGregor, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant (Their Finest), Stephen Merchant (Jojo Rabbit) and Tom Wilkinson (Valkyrie).

All reasonable people want to love Jackboots on Whitehall–let’s tell a funny alternate history of World War II using G.I. Joes (or Action Men–or whatever brand name action figures you recall from your childhood, or your adulthood; I’m not judging). It’s like we’re kids with an endless number of them and their vehicles, making it up as we go along. It sounds like great fun.

It is, however, not great fun; it isn’t even particularly fun, and it certainly isn’t funny, so you’re constantly reminded that this could be really fun, while it’s only sometimes a little fun.

I may, as an American, be missing something with the references to Blake’s “Jerusalem” (Not this “Jerusalem“), Hadrian’s Wall and Germans sort of morphing into Roman legions. I get the Mel Gibson references—they’re just not funny. Perhaps if you’re actually British or a deeply committed Anglophile, you get more out of this movie, not a lot more.

Team America: World Police and The Devil Dogs of Kilo Company are both substantially better and part of the reason this film is disappointing. The genre and techniques and even the execution aren’t problems–it’s not a good story. It’s trying to be absurdist in some sort of hip way, and it falls flat.

The first action scene, featuring RAF pilots, is more like a serious effort to tell this story through an odd medium–it’s not funny or ironic–it’s a dogfight sequence that’s exciting and looks good. It slips in one “Major Tom” reference and may be parodying other war movies, but not enough to seem like a parody. It’s like a typical war movie where the pilots have better dialogue than Pearl Harbor.

The soundtrack constantly evokes other war films’ signature melodies in a way that doesn’t infringe on copyright while being good clean fun. The opening credits seem like a loving homage to war comics and are also good clean fun.

A longer battle defending Ten Downing Street, which is right off Whitehall, is a centerpiece of the film and shows the potential and skill of everyone involved. Tanks and halftracks rumble around, and some things blow up real good. It’s fun to watch, but even during this scene the dialogue isn’t charming or clever, not as bad as Pearl Harbor, but not good. Throughout the film, the attempts to reference other war films, or just films, don’t work; they sometimes seem like pandering instead of critiquing or parodying or honoring.

In my review of Inglorious Basterds I wrote, “You can try and pull all the homages to westerns and 60s and 70s World War II movies, but few if any of them are distracting, or perhaps even important. Tarantino, to his credit, seems aware that he is in part the sum of his influences and these nods are only part of a truly original work, and they are indicative of a joy in movies and movie making.” Jackboots on Whitehall is not original, with only flashes of joy.

The movie becomes increasingly ludicrous as it references or exploits or parodies other movies, leaving you disappointed that a movie that could have been original, inventive and charming is derivative and flat.

That sentence was meaner than I want to be, but I am disappointed because this movie could have been more. I want to give the filmmakers a pep talk and have them try again. If they did, I would certainly watch it.

Recommendation

Do not pay money to watch this–maybe watch it, but don’t pay money to do so. If you want to stop halfway through, do that because it doesn’t get better.

I’ve read elsewhere that there are plenty of special features on the DVD, which I’m kind of a sucker for, but I can’t bring myself to pay to see special features for a movie that is sort of okay at best.